whey

new job, really nervous, best gguy ever to teach us the drill.

and then just place the headphones over my ears and wait for the first person to answer, oh gosh. but it all worked out quite nice, anyways.
most of the people i spoke to were really nice to me, and the ones who weren't i just hang up on. and tomorrow it might be time for the personal talk and i'll know if they want me or not. but i'm certain they do want me.
big ego here today, but i just can't help it.

major cold has taken me over. that could be a problem when your job is to talk in the phone all day long, but i manage.


and in two days pete turns 21. i still don't have any money to buy him a gift. it doesn't feel good at all, but i think he understands.

love him.

Snow

My Life is quite weird at the moment, my big plan for life is shattered in very small pieces, I have no money whatsoever, my mom want's to know what I'm going to do with my life if I don't get any money from soc. My boyfriend has lived with me for a month now, without paying any rent and S. broke down and started to cry on me a couple of days ago.

But I might have a job! There's the silverlining! It really doesn't pay much, but I think it's gonna be great anyway. My foot is a lot better and in two weeks I'll find out about the money.

I still have the very naive feeling that everything just gonna work out.

And, there's a lot of snow outside.

nervousness

Oh, god.
Why does everything have to happen all at once? In about twenty minutes I'll be on my way to soc to explain for them why I don't have any money and why I dropped out ion the middle of the semester without a proper reason.

And then, two hours later i have that damn jobinterview. And after that the accounting-meeting with Martina where she aint gonna give me ansvarsfrihet.

I don't think could get more nervous right now.

Oh, and yeah, Pete is coming back today!


(some hours later)

Pete is back. He doesn't smell like himself anymore, I don't really know why.

I've been to soc, and I have no idea why, but I said something so utterly stupid, I lied about my parents whereabouts, and apparently they're living in a three-room apartment in my world. I have no idea whatsoever why I told her that. Stupid stupid! OK, if I had said that they still lived in a big house out in the country she would have told me to move back there as quick as possible, and I really don't want to do that.

And then the jobinterview. I think I might get it, but it's certainly not enough, not at all. This means i have to get myself one more job, IF i get this one, notice.
I let that be a later problem.

Saturday night

It's Saturday and it seems like everyone is going to a party except for me tonight. The dorm is all empty and silent and Pete is still in Amsterdam. I don't know, I could take a walk in all my loneliness and just watch the stars for a while. Or i could make a new mixtape and then listen to it all night long until that movie starts at 3 am.

At least it's an idea.

I haven't told my mam that I'm going to soc on monday morning. I don't really know why I avoid talking to her about my financial situation. She still thinks I'm getting my money from CSN on monday and that everything is fine and dandy. Guess it's just my pride. I don't want her to know that some things in my life are totally fucked up, and that I don't have any money to pay the rent this month. I want to be able to take care of myself, even though it's really hard at times. I really don't want them to feel that they have to help me, I'd just feel so guilty and I already owe them so much.

Well, I have full confidence in the fact that my life is gonna work out anyway.

H hasn't called yet. Very silent from Linköping.

winter glory

Perfect day today. Cold, sunny and I just don't want to stay inside. Unfortunately i have tons of stuff to do....

Well well. S is coming to visit me next weekend. It's such a long time I ago since I met her! We're gonna take long walks in the snow discuss the important issues of life (whether butter becomes gas when it melts...) and watch eighties highschool films.
Wonderful, darling!

Pete is still gone. I miss him. Gotta follow the nakedrule even though I'm alone at night.

The first post.

All new here, hardly knows what a blog is at all, but I guess I'll learn as a move along.

Situation in life right now: my 20:th birthday was just a month ago, still not used to the feeling of being a grown-up and all the responsibility that follows. Actually I couldn't handle the responsibility at all and as a result of that I am now a very poor college dropout without a job. But I guess you haven't really experienced life if you haven't lived on absolute minimum.

I might get a job next week, if I handle the interview the right way. Feeling very nervous about it, I have to look my best, be really nice and polite to everyone and say smart things to make them think I'm intelligent. Gosh. Once I'm over that interview my life could get back to normal again.

Friday today and I'm spending the evening in front of my computer...it isn't quite as pathetic as it sounds, just almost. Well well.

Haven't heard from H yet. Spoke with R yesterday and she told me i was doing the right thing. The way she treated med it's her responsibility to contact me. It's still kind of strange to just cut all the strings, since she's been one of my best friends for such a long time, but honestly I can't help feeling a bit relieved, I won't have to deal with all of her problems any more when I barely can cope woth my own. It probably is a horrible thing to say that I don't miss her right now, but i don't. Cant help it.

And finally, I miss Pete. Why did he have to go to Amsterdam this weekend? It was supposed to be our weekend. He'll be back in a few days though, to my longing arms.